Will the Real Saint Nicholas Please Stand Up?

You better watch out.

You better not cry.

You better not pout.

I’m telling you why:

Saint Nicholas of Myra is coming to town!

Legends about the historical Saint Nicholas arguably have more in common with Bruce Willis in the movie Die Hard than Tim Allen in The Santa Clause.

Redeemer of three young women from a poor family headed for a life of prostitution. Saver of three innocent sailors bound for execution after the jurors were bribed. Chopper of demon trees. Heretic puncher at the Council of Nicaea.

The bishop of Myra merits the Frank Miller graphic novel treatment if you ask me.

Check out the Wikipedia entry if for nothing else than the featured image of an icon by Jaroslav Čermák. In it we see a steely-eyed resolve which resembles the old man with the snow shovel who saves Kevin McAllister from the burglars in Home Alone.

And the real Saint Nicholas of Myra (270-343 AD) could have done that sort of thing too. It would have been entirely in character for “the Wonderworker” who was reputed to have calmed a storm like Christ did.

Of course only the good Lord knows what the historical figure who inspired the fictional character of Santa Claus actually did or did not do. But it’s safe to say at least this much – the legends surrounding this bishop from early Church history have a better chance of being true than all that business about the North Pole, elves, and reindeer pulling a sleigh through the sky on Christmas Eve.

And even if they aren’t any truer, I think I prefer the OG defender of orthodoxy to the overweight toymaker in a red suit trimmed with white fur who pigs out on cookies. But maybe that’s just me.

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