My Comprehensive Analysis of Biden’s 2023 SOTU Address

This week, in our nation’s capitol, the President of the United States of America, Joseph R. Biden, delivered his annual State of the Union address to a joint-session of Congress, as well as a host of other dignitaries from across America, and around the world, including, but not limited to, Bono.

Amidst the numerous mentions of “folks,” and calls to “finish the job,” Biden informed America of many surprising things.

For instance, the tax system is not fair. Also, some billionaires pay a lower rate of taxes than some schoolteachers and firefighters. Also, Big Oil is not investing their record profits back into producing more oil, so it’s their fault energy prices are so high. 

And did you know that some cashiers at fast food joints in this country were being forced to sign non-compete agreements, which prevented them from being poached by competing fast food joints? I didn’t.

Nevertheless, the burger shack check-out personnel supposedly were in this dire strait, according to Biden, before the Democrats recently decided to put a stop to that. Now McDonald’s and Burger King will have to actually compete for the best qualified workers. Thank goodness.

Our children have a right to come home safe at night, by the way, just like police officers do. Yet Biden wants Congress to codify Roe v. Wade in the name of “reproductive healthcare.”

Meanwhile, this administration is going to improve mental health in this country, despite also demanding increased investment in public schools, as well as gender reassignment surgeries for minors. This, of course, is because “without democracy, nothing is possible.”

Here some of us were, thinking the phrase was “With God, all things are possible.” But, no. Biden has modified that promise. “With democracy, all things are possible.”

Therefore, “Ban assault weapons now!” 

At the same time, Paul Pelosi’s attacker was saying the kind of things some of the insurrectionists on January 6th said, when that intruder broke into his house, looking for the former Speaker of the House, before striking the smaller elderly man in the head with the hammer which was his weapon of choice.

Fortunately, America was founded on the idea that all men are created equal, and endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights – like the right to compulsory schooling for their children, and hormone blockers, and Big Tech to censor conservative ideas in the public square so long as they don’t collect meta data on our children.

Thus, “If China threatens our sovereignty, we will act to protect our country, and we did,” last week, only after the general public became aware of, and outraged by, the giant spy balloons, which it turns out have been flying over this country for years, as well as our allies countries, but only pose a danger to national security when the American people know about them.

In conclusion, in sum, in short, if this speech accurately represented the state of our union, the state of our union is not doing so hot right now.

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